Has feeling undervalued and overwrought at work made you want to exit stage left? I read an interesting book where a psychology expert explains how to differentiate temporary dissatisfaction from a deeper need to make that move.

This crisis of identity is the existential feeling that a lot of us go through at work. You can imagine that you’ve been working for a really long time at a place or you’ve put a lot of work into becoming an expert at something. Then all of a sudden, you start to question whether this is really the right thing for you. This can be a very scary feeling for people. “I’ve put so much work into this already. Does it really make sense for me to be switching gears at this point in my life?”

Tessa West is this psychologist. In her new book ” Job Therapy: Finding work that works for you “(Penguin Random House) she explains is as such. ” In much the same way that we think about leaving a marriage or a long-term relationship that we’ve invested in, we’re going to have a lot of ambivalent feelings about leaving a job.

There is one end that is the degree to which the identity at work is central to who you see yourself as: “Is this a core element of my identity?” The other end is what scientists often call “identity satisfaction.” I can feel like something is a core component of who I am but not necessarily be satisfied with the role that component is playing in my identity. These are two separate things that can be correlated with each other or not. It’s very possible to feel like something is central to your identity but not actually feel satisfied.

She talks about five main psychological starting points, that people can find themselves in. These aren’t mutually exclusive; you can certainly identify with more than one:

  1. Crisis of identity. This is the person who has spent months, often years, honing skills. But that person is struggling with a nagging feeling that maybe this isn’t really the right career move. That person’s journey really starts with asking a big question: “Do I still feel like my career is a core piece of who I am?” They must process the loss of that old identity before they can move onto something else.
  2. Drifted apart. You may have been in a relationship with someone and later realize you don’t recognize this person anymore. You used to be in love, you used to have chemistry, and now you’re not quite so sure what happened. Is it you who’s changed, or is it the other person?Have you changed too much from this career, or has this career or job moved in a direction that no longer fits? You must begin the journey by digging deep into where those changes are occurring. Is it the entire industry that has changed, or is it this organization? Perhaps it’s just your team, the people with whom you spend time. Understanding those sources of changes is key for moving on.
  3. Stretched too thin. This person is someone who most of us have been at some point in our lives. These folks are struggling with getting things done in a timely manner.They constantly feel like they have to choose between two different courses. The choice may be between a job they love or a task that they’re really interested in and must complete. They may have an endless pile of work and often not complete it daily. That’s a source of chronic stress. Other people aren’t really struggling so much with how they work but the roles they fill. Maybe they’ve taken on way too many roles. Some of those roles aren’t congruent with each other. In fact, some of them actually counteract one another. They’re struggling with figuring out how they can fit all of these things into one workday.For these folks, really digging deep into how they work and what work they’re taking on—and whether that work’s actually helping them get ahead—is a key piece of their starting point.
  4. Runner-up. You may have been in a situation where you are chronically finishing in second place on some kind of competitive team. These people tend to get rewarded at work, and they’re doing well, but they can’t quite make it to the next step. They are chronically in second place and struggle to know why. These people are often missing key pieces of feedback about what those missteps are and figuring out whether that misstep is that they’ve missed key roles or changes in what determines status at work. These people must determine where they need to go next.
  5. Underappreciated star. The last chapter is about the underappreciated star. These people tend to be amazing at their jobs. They are getting appreciated but not usually on the dimensions that they care about. They’re not being compensated or promoted. They’re rewarded by receiving more work and more tasks. For them, after interrogating whether they have that star status, they then must figure out their value in the marketplace.Are they valued as much as they think they are? Maybe the market just doesn’t really care about star status. They’re in the 95th percentile, but most companies are fine with the 80th percentile. Knowing whether star status is even relevant for getting a raise or promotion is something that they must delve deeply into and figure out in their journey.

Anticlimax end is, she says:
When it comes to thinking about making a career change or a job change, there’s a lot of misconceptions out there about what we should be seeking, what our psychological starting point should be. I’ve found in my work that the single biggest misconception people have is that they need to be psychologically ready before they make any kind of move in the future.

By that, I mean they’re waiting for some kind of switch to turn on in their brain that says, “OK now I’m ready. Now’s the time to start looking. I’ve reached my maximum amount of dissatisfaction at work.” But what I’ve found in my work is that, like leaving a marriage or any other kind of long-term relationship, there’s not really a magical moment when we’re going to be ready.

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